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Born: Black 'n' White
Interested in: Collingwood victories
Relationship status: Collingwood tragic
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* SHANE 'CHEESY' O'BREE
The pugnacious number 11 is quite possibly the most under rated footballer in the comp.  But not by the powers that be at Lexusland obviously.

Even Mohammed Ali got dropped every now and then but you get the feeling Collingwood's  Mr. Reliable is, like a big juicy nostril, one of the first picked each week.

While sneaking up on the 250 games mark is impressive for any footballer.  It's the Cheesy one's tackle count that is more amazing than Paris Hilton's ability to complete a sentence.

Currently sitting at 93 it's almost 40 clear of the next best tackler on our list - and that's in a team highly regarded for its gripology.  In a side brimming with gifted talent, where a Sir Leon of Neon moment of magic or a Dids sublime sidestep are often the norm you need a meat and three veg player like Cheesy.

If he was a car he'd be a ute.  If he was winter clothing he'd be a cardigan.  If he was a household appliance he'd be a vacuum cleaner.......or maybe drapes.  Anyway, you get the picture just like Cheesy gets the ball.

* DAISY'S MANDATORY MIRACLE GOAL ATTEMPT
There's at least one a week. If only they were all goals!
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* DIDS' ANGRY PILLS
CRIKEY! Not only did he swallow the whole container, the pills musta been the size of pizzas!
Inbox:
Dear Hotrod,
I have met this really hot chick whom I like a lot but she is a mad keen Bulldogs fan. She even has 'Guy' tattooed on her arm - clearly a reference to Brad Johnson who seems like a nice guy.  Do you think this relationship is doomed before it begins?
Martin B (Deer Park)

Marty, common sense tells you that you should never let anything come between you and your love for the mighty fightin' Carringbush.  However, if she really is as special as you seem to think then I suggest you apply the SPLMC.  Otherwise known as the Simon Prestigiacomo Love Match Clause.  Sure it might seem awkward at first but after 13 years you'll wonder how you could ever live without it.
______________________________________________________________________________Hi Hotrod,
Geeeeez I've had a shocking week and now the Pies go and put in a second half that stunk more than a peloton full of Frenchmen.
Cadel E (Somewhere in France)

Very true Caddie, we've all got our mountains to climb I guess.
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G'day mate,
You're a real true blue Aussie fair dinkum bloke mate cobber dingo and the Pies are a ripper team with real true blue hard yakka bonza players. They're grouse mate.  But those umpires on Saturday gave me the willies. Crikey and double crikey! Strewth.  I mean fair shake of the sauce bottle.
K. Rudd (Canberra)

Errrrrr, I think you are getting your Swans confused.
Our Swan has leadership written all over him.
Then again, he has a lot of things written all over him!
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Please note: the views expressed in the above article are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Collingwood Football Club or employees of the club. The Collingwood Football Club would like to acknowledge the tireless work of its supporters who contribute to collingwoodfc.com.au