Former Magpie midfielder Luke Ball has opened up on his feelings across both 2010 Grand Finals, when he found himself in the unique situation of lining up against his old team, St Kilda, in a Grand Final just one year after having played for the Saints in the previous year's decider.

In the latest episode of the Collingwood Conversations podcast, Ball says the hype around his storyline, and the doubts over a hamstring cramp suffered in the preliminary final, helped contribute to a less than stellar personal performance in the drawn game.

"I really didn't handle it … as well as perhaps I could have with the build-up through the week. It wasn't great preparation … I spent the first part of the week in the hyperbaric chamber. But particularly because of the added thing of playing against my old team … things built up to the point where it tipped me over the edge mentally. Even the parade was a little bit awkward.

"And from my point of view I played accordingly. I had a really ordinary game."

That meant his reaction to the draw was different to some of his teammates.

"My personal feeling was a bit more relief," he says. "From my own selfish, personal point of view it was, 'OK, process it, we're going to have to come back next week – that's OK. I think we've got more upside. Me personally, I'll be better next week too'."

History shows, of course, that Ball was right: he performed much better in the replay. And so did his teammates. But even though he was ecstatic with the Pies' win, he couldn't quite celebrate it as he would have liked.



From the pre-season until the Grand Final Replay, Luke Ball faced off against his old St Kilda teammates five times in 2010.

"It would be nice to be able to have that moment again and show what the two sides of me were feeling – I was absolutely jumping up and down inside. But for me it was countered a bit by (the thought), 'don't jump up and carry on too much in front of these guys' faces', who were going to be in a pretty ordinary space. It was just a reflection of respect for what the opposition would have been feeling … because I'd known that the year before."

Ball also talks frankly about how his confidence had been affected by his reduced role at St Kilda in 2009 ("it was the lowest point personally of my career"), and the drawn-out saga that eventually – after much soul-searching – saw him cross to Collingwood through the draft.

"By that stage … my head was spinning so much that I would have been happy to go anywhere. I was training with the Old Xavs in the ammos and half thinking, 'oh, let's just play here'. That (the draft) became a really nervous period."

Ball also talks about his recurring nightmares about the 2011 grand final loss to Geelong ("once every two months it keeps me up at night"), why he stayed at school for the first year after he was drafted between Luke Hodge and Chris Judd in the 2001 'super draft', and when he knew that the 2010 Magpie squad was destined for something special.