Paul Robinson is one of the men behind the cult social media channels 'The Carlton Draft' and 'The Ressies Footballer'. 

His Black and White passion is unquestionable, and the views represented in this article are solely his own and not representative of the Collingwood Football Club.

This week I look forward to seeing the mighty Mags end Richmond’s unbeaten streak.

What was that? They’re not undefeated, you say?!

Well I’ll be damned.

The way they’ve been carrying on over the past couple of weeks has had me fooled into thinking they’ve breezed through 2018. In my eyes, any positive Richmond-related news is like nails down a chalkboard. Not human nails either – rusty nails.

We really need to bring the noise this Saturday, Magpie Army. For once, we’ll be up against it, with the yellow and black bandwagoners sure to be full of zest over their fancy new numbers.

This 100,000 members is actually nothing to snigger at. I’ve even heard almost 60,000 of them are real-life people who brought one for themselves and not their pets. Remarkable!

What’s even more impressive is the collective nap the AFL world has been on over the past 12 months allowing Richmond to look like a god-damn powerhouse.

Reigning premiers. Can you believe that? A side that used to avoid finals like it was the weird kid in class who ate his own ear-wax (that’s right Adam Vaughan, I remember you) is now a legitimate threat of looking like the AFL’s version of the Harlem Globe Trotters.

Don’t let the snag-gags and cute goal celebrations fool you. The Richmond Tigers are pure evil and will stop at nothing to destroy all that is enjoyable and fun in the world.

Don’t believe me? Well buckle in and let me tell you about my day yesterday.

The day started like any other as I took my pet rabbit Lou (named after Lou Richards) for a walk. After a few km’s, we grew parched. This is when the day differed to the rest of them.

We both decided to revitalise ourselves with a coffee. That’s when it happened.

Jack Riewoldt was in the café.

I told him how odd it was to see him in person as I usually only see footballers on TV and in newspapers. He refused to break eye contact with me while stirring the sugar into his coffee and pretending to yawn the whole time.

Incredibly rude isn’t it? Well the goal-kicking mini-man who operates the forward fifty with him didn’t seem to think so. Jack Higgins also sat there, flicking the froff of his latte at me and Lou. I asked him to stop and all he did was say the word ‘snag’ over and over.

I can still hear it ringing in my ears now.

I told the two of them that they were going to be absolutely embarrassed by Shaz and Bruzzy Maynard this week, and if they fail against Collingwood’s superior backs, Dusty won’t let them come to Vegas in the off-season.

They looked worried at this notion. However let’s be honest, no fake ID in the world is going to get Higgins in Caesar’s Palace anyway.

Don’t get me wrong. I rate the Tiges. Their midfield is actually pretty good. I honestly think Martin and Trent Cotchin would be walk-up starters to our VFL side. This on the other hand is a sold-out MCG and I eagerly anticipate watching Taylor Adams, Scott Pendlebury and Steele Sidebottom make mincemeat of them.

Sidenote: Remember when they were in an unlosable position against us and Cotchin told Adam Treloar that he “spoke too soon” and then they lost? Ha!



Memories from round three, 2016. Good times.

Remember when Travis Cloke kicked seven on Alex Rance? Me too. So does Brody ‘2020 Coleman’ Mihocek. Our new key forward saviour is here to change the guard. He’s looking so dangerous lately it will force Rance to do something he doesn’t often do and man up. You’re right where we want you, Tiges!!!

Every tale in history has a good guy (or girl) and a bad guy (or girl) and if you are familiar with any of them you will know that good always triumphs over bad.

David and Goliath.
Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant.
Regina George and the other characters in Mean Girls.
Collingwood and Richmond.

Has this week’s write-up lacked a bit of trademark arrogance considering we are playing the reigning premiers? Eh. Maybe.

But I feel no distress for this match. At our best, we will smash them. At our most average, we’ll still probably win.

Pies by 47 and the umpires should save time now by giving Brodie Grundy three votes in his hundredth now.



Our man Trav Cloke never feared the man they call Alex Rance.